only if we run a train.
done.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
