Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
