he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
