something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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