My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As shirtless as possible
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
