so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
