I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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