I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
