When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i came on her dog
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
