I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
