Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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