my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
