Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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