I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
