we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
