I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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