so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
