Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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