Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
