I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
