Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ladies don't puke and tell
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
