So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
