do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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