ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
