Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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