I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
