just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize