apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
