Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
