Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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