Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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