I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
