the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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