hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
