I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
