Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
