An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
