Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
