i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
