Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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