you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
