Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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