my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
