i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
