just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
