May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
