i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
