We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
false alarm, still single
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