Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My vagina is officially offended.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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