just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Please don't give away my fajitas
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
