i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need water and some morals
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
