Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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