watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
