i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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