i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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