Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
