Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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