Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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