Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
